Releasing Unworthiness

A few weeks ago, I wrote about starting a new year with the birth of a personal mantra “Do it for Love.” Since then, to keep Love front and center in my consciousness as my purpose, I journal nearly every morning on the following question, “What does Love want me to know today?” It’s my own rendition of “Conversations with God,” who isn’t a deity in the sky, but rather Universal Life Force Energy and Divine Presence that’s synonymous with Love.

ScaleThe other day, when I did that journaling exercise, part of what I downloaded was:

This is your time to know you deserve to be taken care of, that you don’t need to labor… Work on getting rid of all feelings of undeserving of being cared for. Let love into your life in ways you hadn’t allowed before.

To be perfectly honest, my ego immediately reacted to that message. Really? After all these years of peeling back the onion and releasing limiting beliefs, I’m still harboring feelings of unworthiness? You’ve got to be kidding me!!! But, after acknowledging my bruised ego, I realized that the message from Love was valid and spot on. It is indeed time to release remaining remnants of learned unworthiness.

Untruths are learned

Unworthiness is a learned untruth. After all, without exception, all of us are born whole, complete and perfect. Anything short of that knowing are untruths we acquired along the way of growing up and navigating life the best we knew how at every stage.

I was born into a culture and a childhood home that only knew survival through hard work and overcoming challenging circumstances. An expression I grew up hearing all the time was, “Every coin you bite into contains blood.” Nothing came easily, and, subconsciously, I couldn’t wait to grow up, run far, far away from home, and be in the position to keep myself safe. On top of that, I also learned that, as a girl, I was destined to have to work extra hard and do more to prove myself worthy. All that set the stage for an overachiever’s life, one that, unfortunately, could never yield true contentment, as no amount of achievement could ever be enough to fill the bottomless pit of unworthiness.

Truth vs. LiesI was done with that old story years ago, or so I thought. My ego would like me to believe that I’ve overhauled my life enough, that there’s no onion left to be peeled back any further. The truth, however, is that Love knows better. While I’m truly grateful for how purposeful my post-overachieving life is, something has been holding me back from fully shining my light and truly thriving with the ease and grace I know is my Truth. That’s why the message about releasing any lingering feelings of not deserving to be cared for and being open to receiving love in ways I didn’t allow before is so poignant, a message I’m willing and ready to take heed.

Therefore, with all of you as my witness, I vow to unlearn the lingering remnants of untruths around unworthiness, and to welcome love into my life in ways I didn’t allow before. I’m willing to surrender to Love even more. In doing so, I don’t need to drive myself crazy analyzing all the different ways I may still feel unworthy. Instead, I commit to remembering my Truth of wholeness and completeness, remembering to do whatever I do for the purpose of Love, rather than to feed a learned ego-induced, fear-based need to “earn” worthiness. I also commit to opening my heart to receive even more graciously, dismantling whatever’s left of my defensive armor of “I’ve got it all together, and I don’t need you, thank you very much!”

Over to you…

In choosing to share the above here—instead of keeping it in my private journal—it is my heartfelt intention that it serves you at some level. Might it not stir something within you? After all, learned unworthiness is at the root of what tells us we can’t, what keeps us from dreaming and realizing our dreams, and what keeps us from living our best lives. Perhaps my sharing above inspires you to become acquainted with some of your own untruths that are keeping you from fully stepping out, shining your light and sharing your gifts? Perhaps you’re ready to take steps to release these untruths? Will you meditate on that, journal on that, contemplate that? Will you join me in letting go of our untruths and committing to remembering and living from our Truth of wholeness and completeness instead?

Before you leave here today, would love for you to share your thoughts in the comment box below, as we do learn from each other.

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30 Days To Living Your Best LifeJoin like-minded others to unlearn your untruths in the group coaching option of 30 Days To Living Your Best Life beginning on February 7.

I’m keeping the group small (no more than 20), so that a community can be formed and be supported. Invite a friend to join you at no additional charge. That’s 2 for the price of 1!

If you’re interested in becoming an affiliate for this program (receive up to $100 for each sign up), please email me.

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About Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Dr. Alice Chan is passionate about developing conscious leaders and organizations. Her path to serve her life purpose has included being an award-winning Cornell professor and a leader in the corporate world for nearly 15 years. She’s the author of the book, REACH Your Dreams: Five Steps to be a Conscious Creator in Your Life, and creator of the program, 30 Days to Living Your Best Life. All content on this blog and website is her own, not the opinions of her employer.

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18 comments
Suzie CArr
Suzie CArr

Understanding that untruths are learned is empowering. When I first started out writing novels, I dealt with rejection quite often. I had editor after editor tell me my writing wasn't suitable for their market, their strategy, etc etc... I learned that I should not pursue writing. This was a HUGE untruth. And thankfully, my current editor helped me unlearn that untruth! Today, I'm writing my 7th novel and can happily say the other 6 have been bestsellers on Amazon Kindle. ONe is even being turned into a film. So, I am living proof that we can unlearn these untruths and thrive pursuing paths that are completely meant for us, despite what others may think!

Michele Price (@prosperitygal)
Michele Price (@prosperitygal)

Well for one I get more than a penny for my thoughts! Today I saw women in a chat make excuses for not having higher expectations that looked clearly like unworthiness in all it's glory. The more I get down to my core essence from our infinite Universe, the more I see the limits myself and and people place on themselves, learned over time or accepted in an instance, they are sad. Today I am wondering when will people break the bondage of these thoughts that bankrupt ourselves and our world.

Carol
Carol

HI Alice! Even though I finally know that I (as a being) am enough, what came through as I was reading your post, surprised me. It was like watching a movie in fast mode. Even though I am extremely bright and creative, attractive, etc., as a kid and continuing into adulthood, what I was taught is that the only thing that really matters is getting a man to be my husband to take care of me so I can be successful and happy. The pressure was enormous. Having finally done that later than all my friends and relatives, and it not having lasted, made me realize that I have this undercurrent of not being able to fully go for it with the projects I am working on. I keep feeling that they don't matter and the thrill of any aspect of success with them lasts for about ten seconds. I can feel it now as I write this - like a secret doorway to a closet of ooky feelings. Again amazing that you wrote about this now, as I have been sensing something lurking but couldn't identify it. Now I see it so clearly! The missing link. Thank you for this.

Jon M (@ThinDifference)
Jon M (@ThinDifference)

Another great one, Alice. As you know, there is an "un" side to life that frees us to be more centered and fulfilled in the way we live. Unlearning unworthiness creates an unlife life, opening up new space to fill in with worthiness.... in how we feel, do, act, think, etc. It has impacted your life, and your story will help many others. Thanks for sharing it! Jon

scott_elumn8
scott_elumn8

Beautiful message Alice. Thank you. It was what i needed to hear and it also comes at a time when I was looking for the right words to share with someone I deeply care about who is struggling. Your story was the message I needed. I really appreciate your willingness to open your, very worthy, heart. You are an instrument of Divine Love. :)

Samantha Hall
Samantha Hall

YES! Love this Alice! I TOTALLY resonated with what you shared here: 'On top of that, I also learned that, as a girl, I was destined to have to work extra hard and do more to prove myself worthy. All that set the stage for an overachiever’s life, one that, unfortunately, could never yield true contentment, as no amount of achievement could ever be enough to fill the bottomless pit of unworthiness.' I won't dig in to all of the past 'work' I've had to do to overcome some horrendous challenges in life. However, I will say this. The journey to really confronting false beliefs in my life began after my husband died. Sure, I had already had to do a ton of work prior to that to address 'things' from my childhood, etc. Yet, much of it was still 'band-aid' help and fixes. They couldn't get to the root of things. Once I BEGAN questioning all of my beliefs. And I do mean ALL of them (the religious beliefs were the ones that were the MOST challenging to tackle! haha) Then I was able to start breathing easier. Now that's not to say I've tackled ALL of them in life. I haven't. Things still come up in life. A new 'event' or a new experience tends to reveal either a deeper layer to something or even a snag of an old belief that I thought I had already come to terms with. It's definitely an on-going process. Thanks so much for sharing your heart Alice. ~Samantha

Angela Rodriguez
Angela Rodriguez

You are an amazing & graceful force in this world Alice! Loving you and walking beside you in friendship ... Focusing on the important "things" in life! Be blessed!

Casey
Casey

Thank you for a thoughtful post. I know exactly where my feelings of unworthiness came from. My father was never home. He was always working, or out drinking. He provided well (well enough) for the family, but was rarely present and certainly never showed any signs of affection. When he wanted to show us how much he cared, he gave us money or bought us something. So whenever he didn't give us money or buy us something, well, the message was obvious to us. (Even if that wasn't intentional on his part.) Consequently, I've had an odd relationship with money all my life. I thought I had dealt with it, but perhaps I haven't, as I still seem to have a difficult relationship with it. Thank you for a thought-provoking blog today!

Alli Polin
Alli Polin

I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this post. It's only when we release our feelings of being less than deserving, of being unworthy, that we can truly live and connect with others as equals... human to human. No matter how much we tell ourselves (and others!) that we are enough, somehow there is that quiet voice that digs in and digs down deeper but still makes itself known from time to time. I welcome your invitation to let go of my untruths along with yours. I'm taking you up on the offer :) Thanks, Alice!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

What a great example you provided, Suzie! Yes, all limitations are learned untruths. Just observe children before they get "brainwashed." To them, nothing is impossible. It's great that you didn't let previous rejections permanently discourage you from your dream, and congratulations on your successes! Let that inspire everyone to follow their passion and do what they were born to do. Thank you, Suzie!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Hi Michele, you're spot on in terms of how pervasive feelings of unworthiness are. It seems that's just part of the human experience to learn unworthiness and then to unlearn it. I think we all need to be willing to become conscious of that and work on releasing the untruth. Just making the decision to release it is a big step toward, as you said, breaking the bondage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Wow, Carol, thank you so much for sharing your reactions to this piece! In what little I know of you, I know you're indeed creative and have a very lively movement to your energy. Can't wait to see what you bring into the world now that you've identified what untruths to release! Very grateful for your share, and I'm sending you many blessings, Carol!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Jon, I most definitely remember your pieces on the unlife life. In fact, it was in the back of my mind as I wrote this article. We may not use the same words or the same way of phrasing things, but it's really the same principle, isn't it? Thank you very much for joining in the conversation and validating the importance of unlearning untruths!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Thank you, Scott! I'm glad this article served you with a message that you needed. There was a part of me that really didn't want to write this piece, but the higher part of me knew I needed to do it. Based on reading your comments, I'm glad I did. Thank you. All the best to you and your loved one who's struggling...

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Thank you very much, Samantha for adding your thoughtful comments. Knowing a little bit of what you went through in your childhood, I can only imagine the magnitude of the "work" it takes to overcome the imprint left by those experiences. And, you're absolutely right, that it's an on-going process. For as long as we live, our ego will be there to attempt to misguide us. It's up to us to bring consciousness to not allowing ourselves to be misguided. Deep gratitude again for your share, Samantha!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Thank you, Angela! Takes one to know another, so I'm grateful for the amazing and graceful force that *you* are, too! Many blessings to you, my friend!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Many thanks for your honest, and thoughtful share, Casey! I can only imagine what it felt like to you and your siblings when you didn't get money & stuff, that your dad didn't love you. Tough for little kids to understand that and not inadvertently internalize it meaning something's wrong with you. We'd like to think that once we know where our feelings of unworthiness come from, that we can be done with them for good. But, as Alli pointed out, it isn't that simple. It takes continuous mindfulness to remember that we are loved at our core, and that we were born unconditionally worthy. Being in conversation with a community of like mind is one way we can remind each other and hold our Truth with each other. So, thank you for joining in!

Alice Chan, Ph.D.
Alice Chan, Ph.D.

Thank you so much for adding your insights, Alli! You're so right about the deeper voice of our ego. We love to believe that it isn't there anymore. But, for as long as we're human, it will be there. We just need to know its purpose--to keep us safe--and not let it continue to misguide us. I'm glad you're with me in letting go of our untruths...you're great company, Alli! :-)

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